Back to london Again!!!

hey everybody.

i have just got off the phone with my doctor and have to go to london and have more sodding tests! i am so fed up with this i swear it is gonna make my eyeballs bleed.  i hate that because i still live at home i have to tell every single member of my family what is wrong with me. as if I even know. Grrrrrrrrrrr. Stresss. cry. Scream. 

conflicting nature

i generally like to think of myself as a person with conviction, a person who believes in certain things. Homophobia is wrong. racism is bad. sexism is bad. charity is good. etc etc. 

but when i say sexism is bad i feel like i am being a hypocrite because i am so sexist. men are better, i feel like a traitor to my sex as i say this. they are stronger, more focused, and make for better friends (less bitchy) and if i was having someone operate on me or fly me in a plane i would want it to be a man. Those women that would disagree with me maybe right but when it comes to their romantic life i know they would agree with me that they want their man to be the strong one in the relationship and especially in bed. obviously that is not universal but i would say it applies to the majority of straight women. 

please don't take these statements to mean that i am destined to become a housewife wiping snot from the noses of my 12 children because that is not what i want. i want to be independent, earn my own money and rely on no one. except i desperately want to be able to rely on someone and have them want to look after me. i am deeply conflicted by that need to be taken care of and the idea that that is pathetic. its the conflict between animal makeup and social convention. 

am i a seriously confused or just normal?

christmas is coming the goose is getting fat.

Christmas is on its way and i have done like no shopping. i have ordered my sisters presents but  nothing has arrived yet and i have no ideas for anybody else. i am not good at buying people presents though i love to do it but only when i have that rare flash of genius and think "that is exactly what they would love" i hate buying people presents when i have just given them the only thing i could find even though i know they probably wouldn't like it. 

what are you getting your loved ones for christmas?

last night

Had such a good evening last night! hit the vodka a little hard and a little early so didn't make it till the end of the party but that was probably for the best! had a a great time but sleeping on a chaise next to a couple in a double bed is a little uncomfortable especially when you go and have a shower and come back into the room without any warning! lol 

P A R T Why? because sometimes friends do come through for you!

so eventually i got hold of my friends and i am going out tonight. we are having a wig and face-paint party so i am embracing my inner flower child! though i am just sitting around for another half an hour before i have to get the train to go have dinner with my best friends and her boyfriend before the party. should be a fun evening but right now i am so bored. i want to goooo! 

i am such a whiner! but i am ready i have my bottle of vodka, my present for the birthday girl  so i am all set.

the one down side to the evening i am spending the night in a hotel with my best friend and her boyfriend! can we all say third wheel! and it is a lot more complicated than that but it is more than my life is worth to explain the details here. but hey as long as we all drink enough alcohol is should be a pretty good night!!!

enjoy your saturday nights!!xx

Friends?

recently i posted a comment on  a web blog that i subscribe to written by Davey Wavey, and he asked the veiwers/readers on his blog what they are thankful for, i said that i was thankful for my friends. Most of the time this is true my friends keep me sane and away from the edge of the cliff. but sometimes like now, i can't get hold of a single one, its probably not their fault they have their own things going on but it doesn't make me feel any better about it! 

anyway i have to go and find out how to get to a pub to have lunch with my  overly critical father and my crazy grandmother. wish me luck. 

Smoking

i don't understand smoking. i don't like but i understand drugs, they make you feel good but smoking is just disgusting it doesn't taste good, it dyes your teeth and fingers. and oh yeah IT KILLS PEOPLE, and not just you but anyone else who happens to be around, like your kids.

what is wrong with people?

Adams apples

How do you feel about them? is it creepy when they are overly prominent? or do you think it is kinda sexy? 

high heels

why does it have to be in fashion to wear incredibly high heels? does no one have any feeling for my feet? i am sticking to flats. My summer ball this year i went in flip-flops, everyone thought i was nuts but within an hour i had never had so many people be jealous of me!

Boyzone

Does anyone else think that boyzone are just a little to old now! i mean don't get me wrong the youth impaired can still be great musicians, perhaps with the exception of Elton John (sorry i just don't like him). but Boyzone trying to remain a boyband when they are clearly men is ridiculous. 

sorry feeling rather cynical tonight, and craving crispy beef really badly though the chance of me getting any are zip. 

unfair!

Why is it that it is a given that straight men think lesbians are hot, yet a straight woman who thinks gay guys are hot is weird? i know that i am not alone in the world, thinking that gay guys are hot together, but the only place other women will admit this is online (i mean just look at the percentage of female slash fiction writers). i have never met another woman in real life that is willing to admit that. Why is this? Is it because it is only socially acceptable for men to have sexual fantasies?but for a woman to openly admit that she has a sex drive and sexual fantasies or god forbid a kink is abnormal or a slut. 

Talk about gender inequality!!

Things that creep me out

Here is a list of things that freak me out. (not definitive) 

1. People who are overly positive

2. People with thin lips

3. The consistency of potatoes 

4. People who like Brussels sprouts

5. People with an unhealthy amount of conviction.

6. Napoleon Dynamite

7. Natural blondes

8. My parents

What makes your skin crawl?

Quantum of Solace

Went to see the new Bond film today and while i enjoyed it at the time as soon as it was done i realized that i was seriously unsatisfied by the plot. the characters and their motivations were rarely clear. This Bond has completely lost the sense of humor present in all its predecessors, though i appreciated the attempt to take things a bit more seriously in Casino Royal but Quantum of Solace just took the gravitas a step too far. i felt that this film was slightly too angst ridden and that the plot was merely a flimsy way to link one fight scene to the next chase scene. though i am being incredibly harsh this should not over shadow that i did enjoy the film as a spectacle.